So far 2011 has not been the kindest to us. Between not having work to having sporadic work to not having work and my health and my husband's health, it's been a roller coaster for the two of us.
My husband's kidney stones have ramped up. Since the beginning of this year, he's passed a dozen or so larger stones and myriad smaller ones that we just don't bother collecting anymore. All this means he's in constant pain. He rarely gets a day when there is no pain and those are cherished when they do happen. At least his blood pressure is stable but his digestive system is also having issues.
My health has also been an up and down coaster with diabetes, COPD, IBS, neuropathy and chronic pain (fibro) hounding me every step of every day and that doesn't include the panoply of side effects of having chronic pain like painful to the touch skin, unexplained rashes, difficulty sleeping, restless leg syndrome, tremors, etc... It just never seems to let up and I'd rather not think about it because then things hurt worse. I have oxycodone when it gets really bad, but I'd rather not take those. I've heard enough horror stories that I only use it when the pain just can't be ignored anymore.
Because of the various health issues, it also means numerous medical appointments, tests, etc... which most employers frown upon and since I've waited for 6 years to finally get a family doctor, I'm not about to try and switch to someone who offers evening and weekend office hours. And most places when it comes to tests and blood work don't open evenings and weekends. It also makes finding suitable work that I can do very difficult.
With the high stress levels, not having work, not having money to pay rent, bills, meds, not having nutritious food, all those things just add to the already overcrowded pot of misery we seem to be stuck in and haven't found a way out of yet. Next Tuesday, we have an appointment to meet with an intake person with Ontario Works (welfare). This is our last desperate effort to find a way to support ourselves. Let's hope there is some help from there for meds and rent.
So this is all to explain why I haven't posted for so long. It's hard to find joy or rejoice when there's not much to rejoice about. Well, I guess we can always rejoice at the fact we still have an apartment and health as good as that may be ....
I'm writing this now, so I can attempt to move on emotionally and stop focussing on the sad parts of my life. There's enough of that going around, I don't need to add to the pile. And yes, some might call this depression, but I don't feel sad 100% of the time, I still laugh when it's funny, and still care very much for my husband, children and myself. I just needed to get this off my chest.
|I'm the Frog!!!!|
Now don't take me wrong, we have a small support circle, my daughter and my best friend help as much as they can and we appreciate it. But I also realise that there is a point where enough is enough. I just hope that things turn around very very soon for us...