June already! SHEESH!

Well, latest update for us. We are now officially on Ontario Works (welfare). My doctor has filled out all the paperwork to get me a special diet allowance and also the paperwork for work exemptions. After talking with my worker late this afternoon, she suggested that it might be a good idea to bring the ODSP application package to my doctor and see if he'll fill it out. It would make life a lot easier for us.

At this point, OW covers our drug expenses which is a boon. For the 1st time since I was diagnosed with diabetes I actually have all the tools to take care of myself and it feels wonderful! With drug expenses covered, we've actually got a wee bit of money to spare now compared to none in the past! Let's hope this doesn't come crashing down around us. I know, skeptic, but believe me, if you were in my shoes, you'd be wondering too. I've had the carpet yanked out from under my feet so many times now, I keep looking over my shoulder.

On other news, I'm learning or have learned filet crochet and I love it! The design options are huge! I've got several projects on the go right now involving filet crochet components. Since I plan on publishing these patterns, I'm not going to go into too many details. At least I can say one is a blanket and the other is a woman's top. 

I've also come to learn how to reverse engineer clothing that's already made being displayed in photos. And also to figure out vintage pattern jargon. All these are a tremendous help when designing a pattern. Let's face it, there's only so many ways you can make a top or a blanket or a skirt, etc... so it comes down to stitch choices and colours. I base my patterns more on stitch design than colour since everyone prefers certain colours over others and why limit a knitter or crocheter when there are so many colours to choose from? Same goes for yarn types. Why make someone feel bad because they can't afford the more expensive yarns for specific projects. I'd rather leave the type of yarn chosen to the person who will make the pattern. Personally, I don't have the funds to buy pricier yarns, I depend largely on my daughter and my best friend supplying me with over stocks and low cost yarns or second hand yarns. Why not repurpose yarn which I've done in the past. Buying a sweater that was still quite good but the design was atrocious. I've ripped many sweaters back in order to reuse the yarn, still do when I happen to see one at the 2nd hand store. I doubt I'll ever be a yarn snob since for most of what I design, I prefer acrylic. It's easier to work with, doesn't stretch or shrink and is great for kids clothing. The only time I'd prefer using wool or alpaca, etc is for winter accessories like hats, scarves, mittens, cowls etc.. Nothing beats wool or alpaca when it comes to keeping the cold away from your skin.

Soon I should be able to post photos of these projects as well as others that are currently in the works. The design process is quite organic for me. I have an idea, I write it down and sketch what my mind has conjured up. I leave it for a while since it's not fully worked out yet, and every once in a while, something will pop up and back I go to my notebook to add to the original idea. I liken it to making a stew LOL except that in this case, my brain is the stewing pot!

I've also been rather busy test knitting and crocheting new designs for SmoothFox. I always love testing her patterns since they are so well written out and beautiful and useful. Take the time to go visit her blog. Down the right hand side you will see a huge list of free patterns as well as patterns you can purchase. It will be time well spent.

Another bit of news, although this one is quite sad. A crochet icon passed away yesterday. Jean Leinhauser was a prolific crocheter. She published a multitude of books, co-owned a huge group on yahoo with Rita Weiss called Crochet Partners. She was also very active with CGOA (crochet gild of america) as a judge and reviewer for crocheters applying for their master licensing. She always had time to answer a question relating to crochet. I had the pleasure of receiving a few of her supportive emails over the years and cherish those. She brought crochet to all of us in a simple yet well thought out process. She will be missed by all of us who crochet. Doris Chan, another crochet icon posted on her blog. What she says covers it all as far as I'm concerned. RIP Jean. We will miss you but as Doris said, we will continue to smile and soldier on.

Photos of Jean are rare considering there were only 3 when I did an image search on Google. The one I did find has Jean in the center square where she belongs.

Jean Leinhauser, 2nd from left and her best friend Rita Weiss, far right. The dynamic duo!

If you knew Jean, you also know she loved her dogs. Anyone wanting to make a donation, in kind or items made, please pass them on to your local animal shelter in Jean's name. Thank you

2011 until now

 So far 2011 has not been the kindest to us. Between not having work to having sporadic work to not having work and my health and my husband's health, it's been a roller coaster for the two of us.

My husband's kidney stones have ramped up. Since the beginning of this year, he's passed a dozen or so larger stones and myriad smaller ones that we just don't bother collecting anymore. All this means he's in constant pain. He rarely gets a day when there is no pain and those are cherished when they do happen. At least his blood pressure is stable but his digestive system is also having issues.

My health has also been an up and down coaster with diabetes, COPD, IBS, neuropathy and chronic pain (fibro) hounding me every step of every day and that doesn't include the panoply of side effects of having chronic pain like painful to the touch skin, unexplained rashes, difficulty sleeping, restless leg syndrome, tremors, etc... It just never seems to let up and I'd rather not think about it because then things hurt worse. I have oxycodone when it gets really bad, but I'd rather not take those. I've heard enough horror stories that I only use it when the pain just can't be ignored anymore. 

Because of the various health issues, it also means numerous medical appointments, tests, etc... which most employers frown upon and since I've waited for 6 years to finally get a family doctor, I'm not about to try and switch to someone who offers evening and weekend office hours. And most places when it comes to tests and blood work don't open evenings and weekends. It also makes finding suitable work that I can do very difficult.

With the high stress levels, not having work, not having money to pay rent, bills, meds, not having nutritious food, all those things just add to the already overcrowded pot of misery we seem to be stuck in and haven't found a way out of yet. Next Tuesday, we have an appointment to meet with an intake person with Ontario Works (welfare). This is our last desperate effort to find a way to support ourselves. Let's hope there is some help from there for meds and rent.

So this is all to explain why I haven't posted for so long. It's hard to find joy or rejoice when there's not much to rejoice about. Well, I guess we can always rejoice at the fact we still have an apartment and health as good as that may be ....

I'm writing this now, so I can attempt to move on emotionally and stop focussing on the sad parts of my life. There's enough of that going around, I don't need to add to the pile. And yes, some might call this depression, but I don't feel sad 100% of the time, I still laugh when it's funny, and still care very much for my husband, children and myself. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm the Frog!!!!

Now don't take me wrong, we have a small support circle, my daughter and my best friend help as much as they can and we appreciate it. But I also realise that there is a point where enough is enough. I just hope that things turn around very very soon for us...

SABLE or HOARDER?

Earlier today, I read an article about hoarding yarn, fabric, etc.. One of the commenters said the following: 

“I told my husband there is a special place in heaven for men married to women who crochet (and collect yarn). He just rolled his eyes.”

I still have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard I had to run for the bathroom!
That is so my husband! 

He grew up with a knitter/crocheter so he knows about SABLE ! Stash Acquisition Beyond Life Expectancy

I inherited his mom’s small collection of knitting and crocheting paraphernalia when she passed away in 2001. Thankfully, he along with my daughter and my best friend are enablers. 

One person called the various collections that we choose to ignore Elephants...

As for Elephants, oh yes, we have quite a few between the 2 of us.

Collections that he will never part with...

1. Assorted painted miniatures of fictional characters along with the supplies for painting such.
2. Enough books to start our own lending library (about 1/4 are mine) LOL
3. Computer parts, old monitors and ancient towers
4. Magic the Gathering decks from when he competed
5. Poker paraphernalia
6. Board games! lots of board games we never play anymore! : ( stored in MY bedroom/office/craft room. My bedroom is NOT THAT BIG!
7. Graphic Novel (Comic book) collection

Collections I will never part with...

1. stamp collection
2. yarn and yarn accessories: breakdown of yarn: 10 large rubbermaid bins, 4 large boxes, 3 under the bed type storage bags, 8 reusable shopping bags, 2 large fabric bags and a nylon laundry bag. Most of which is stored in my bedroom that also serves as the office. OH, and my daughter is bringing another bin’s worth of yarn. See above about enablers LOL My daughter found one of these vintage hinged velvet-lined carrying cases 2nd hand that has multiple storage boxes within. It’s packed with knitting/crochet paraphernalia.
3. 61 gigabytes of patterns, magazines, books, photos about knitting and crochet on a separate drive (computer has 2 hard drives and 2 external drives)
4. the 1/4 portion of books of which about 1/4 are about knitting and crochet
5. a plastic reusable shopping bag filled with fabric for lining hats, dresses, bags & purses
6. tiny wind up toys which my BFF enables me! :)
7. beading supplies stored in a 3-drawer bin on casters (could use one more)

We live in a small apartment and storage is at a premium. No storage locker so it all has to live with us. For most days, I can easily ignore the collections, but other days I would give anything to have an extra room that I could store everything in and not have to look at it all the time! Don't take me wrong, I love my yarn to bits! I just would like to not have it stare at me in the face wherever I turn LOL

There seems to be an afinity for nerds/geeks and fiber lovers to attract each other.
May be because we are hoarders at heart?
Don’t speak a normal language? and we understand each other on a cellular level?
Whatever it is, I love it!

Do you have one of those you share your life and living space with?

Another year gone by....

When I write about my sister's passing, it's because of 2 things.

I cannot forgive myself for not going to her earlier, to be at least able to tell her just how much I love her and to say goodbye. This year brought this back to me after watching the Japanese people fight their way through the most horrible earthquake and tsunami to hit in many years, even worse in magnitude than the Haiti earthquake, worst than hurricane Katrina's devastation of New Orleans. But what struck me as very different was the way the Japanese stoically took it all in, did their best to continue with life as best they could. Something amazing in the face of devastation on a grander scale. The quiet acceptance, the pride, the courage to carry on, helping each other out. All those traits I saw in my sister's battle with cancer. And the videos of the devastation in Japan brought it all back to me as if it was just days ago that my sister passed away, quietly, with dignity.

And the second reason... I miss you Rox, so very very much. I know you are watching over me. I thank you for the gifts you send me along the way. The way people come across my path, people I can help even in a small way. I thank you for those and I hope you keep sending me more. Maybe, just maybe, this way I can redeem myself for not being there for you when you really needed me.

Relai pour la vie

Relay for Life - My sister

Her wings - Now she has real ones

1969 - 2009

Rest in peace dearest sister. I am doing my best to walk in your footsteps each and every day.

International Women's Day March 8, 2011

Are we equals?

A short 2 minute film narrated by Dame Judy Dench with Daniel Craig as James Bond 007 starting off as the usual well-dressed spy who then goes and dresses the part of a woman. The figures read out by Judy Dench bring the horrible reality of how badly women of this earth are treated. Even here, Canada, USA, Europe, countries who claim to be civilized, yet there are women every day who are killed, maimed, raped, abused and die at the hands of their husbands, boy friends, and ex's. 

One hundred years ago, suffragettes fought for women to have the vote. At the time, women were considered little more than chattel. Have we changed? You be the judge....

If you want to learn more, you can join the great Equality Debate and do your part to stamp out the inequalities of our world.

Another one bites the yarn!

Another conversion achieved! Thanks to the ladies of Ravelry...

Oopsie!

My apologies to all. Time got away from me somehow.

I have been working on a post but it's taking longer than I expected. Soon though I will be back, same bat time, same bat station :)