June already! SHEESH!

Well, latest update for us. We are now officially on Ontario Works (welfare). My doctor has filled out all the paperwork to get me a special diet allowance and also the paperwork for work exemptions. After talking with my worker late this afternoon, she suggested that it might be a good idea to bring the ODSP application package to my doctor and see if he'll fill it out. It would make life a lot easier for us.

At this point, OW covers our drug expenses which is a boon. For the 1st time since I was diagnosed with diabetes I actually have all the tools to take care of myself and it feels wonderful! With drug expenses covered, we've actually got a wee bit of money to spare now compared to none in the past! Let's hope this doesn't come crashing down around us. I know, skeptic, but believe me, if you were in my shoes, you'd be wondering too. I've had the carpet yanked out from under my feet so many times now, I keep looking over my shoulder.

On other news, I'm learning or have learned filet crochet and I love it! The design options are huge! I've got several projects on the go right now involving filet crochet components. Since I plan on publishing these patterns, I'm not going to go into too many details. At least I can say one is a blanket and the other is a woman's top. 

I've also come to learn how to reverse engineer clothing that's already made being displayed in photos. And also to figure out vintage pattern jargon. All these are a tremendous help when designing a pattern. Let's face it, there's only so many ways you can make a top or a blanket or a skirt, etc... so it comes down to stitch choices and colours. I base my patterns more on stitch design than colour since everyone prefers certain colours over others and why limit a knitter or crocheter when there are so many colours to choose from? Same goes for yarn types. Why make someone feel bad because they can't afford the more expensive yarns for specific projects. I'd rather leave the type of yarn chosen to the person who will make the pattern. Personally, I don't have the funds to buy pricier yarns, I depend largely on my daughter and my best friend supplying me with over stocks and low cost yarns or second hand yarns. Why not repurpose yarn which I've done in the past. Buying a sweater that was still quite good but the design was atrocious. I've ripped many sweaters back in order to reuse the yarn, still do when I happen to see one at the 2nd hand store. I doubt I'll ever be a yarn snob since for most of what I design, I prefer acrylic. It's easier to work with, doesn't stretch or shrink and is great for kids clothing. The only time I'd prefer using wool or alpaca, etc is for winter accessories like hats, scarves, mittens, cowls etc.. Nothing beats wool or alpaca when it comes to keeping the cold away from your skin.

Soon I should be able to post photos of these projects as well as others that are currently in the works. The design process is quite organic for me. I have an idea, I write it down and sketch what my mind has conjured up. I leave it for a while since it's not fully worked out yet, and every once in a while, something will pop up and back I go to my notebook to add to the original idea. I liken it to making a stew LOL except that in this case, my brain is the stewing pot!

I've also been rather busy test knitting and crocheting new designs for SmoothFox. I always love testing her patterns since they are so well written out and beautiful and useful. Take the time to go visit her blog. Down the right hand side you will see a huge list of free patterns as well as patterns you can purchase. It will be time well spent.

Another bit of news, although this one is quite sad. A crochet icon passed away yesterday. Jean Leinhauser was a prolific crocheter. She published a multitude of books, co-owned a huge group on yahoo with Rita Weiss called Crochet Partners. She was also very active with CGOA (crochet gild of america) as a judge and reviewer for crocheters applying for their master licensing. She always had time to answer a question relating to crochet. I had the pleasure of receiving a few of her supportive emails over the years and cherish those. She brought crochet to all of us in a simple yet well thought out process. She will be missed by all of us who crochet. Doris Chan, another crochet icon posted on her blog. What she says covers it all as far as I'm concerned. RIP Jean. We will miss you but as Doris said, we will continue to smile and soldier on.

Photos of Jean are rare considering there were only 3 when I did an image search on Google. The one I did find has Jean in the center square where she belongs.

Jean Leinhauser, 2nd from left and her best friend Rita Weiss, far right. The dynamic duo!

If you knew Jean, you also know she loved her dogs. Anyone wanting to make a donation, in kind or items made, please pass them on to your local animal shelter in Jean's name. Thank you

2011 until now

 So far 2011 has not been the kindest to us. Between not having work to having sporadic work to not having work and my health and my husband's health, it's been a roller coaster for the two of us.

My husband's kidney stones have ramped up. Since the beginning of this year, he's passed a dozen or so larger stones and myriad smaller ones that we just don't bother collecting anymore. All this means he's in constant pain. He rarely gets a day when there is no pain and those are cherished when they do happen. At least his blood pressure is stable but his digestive system is also having issues.

My health has also been an up and down coaster with diabetes, COPD, IBS, neuropathy and chronic pain (fibro) hounding me every step of every day and that doesn't include the panoply of side effects of having chronic pain like painful to the touch skin, unexplained rashes, difficulty sleeping, restless leg syndrome, tremors, etc... It just never seems to let up and I'd rather not think about it because then things hurt worse. I have oxycodone when it gets really bad, but I'd rather not take those. I've heard enough horror stories that I only use it when the pain just can't be ignored anymore. 

Because of the various health issues, it also means numerous medical appointments, tests, etc... which most employers frown upon and since I've waited for 6 years to finally get a family doctor, I'm not about to try and switch to someone who offers evening and weekend office hours. And most places when it comes to tests and blood work don't open evenings and weekends. It also makes finding suitable work that I can do very difficult.

With the high stress levels, not having work, not having money to pay rent, bills, meds, not having nutritious food, all those things just add to the already overcrowded pot of misery we seem to be stuck in and haven't found a way out of yet. Next Tuesday, we have an appointment to meet with an intake person with Ontario Works (welfare). This is our last desperate effort to find a way to support ourselves. Let's hope there is some help from there for meds and rent.

So this is all to explain why I haven't posted for so long. It's hard to find joy or rejoice when there's not much to rejoice about. Well, I guess we can always rejoice at the fact we still have an apartment and health as good as that may be ....

I'm writing this now, so I can attempt to move on emotionally and stop focussing on the sad parts of my life. There's enough of that going around, I don't need to add to the pile. And yes, some might call this depression, but I don't feel sad 100% of the time, I still laugh when it's funny, and still care very much for my husband, children and myself. I just needed to get this off my chest.

I'm the Frog!!!!

Now don't take me wrong, we have a small support circle, my daughter and my best friend help as much as they can and we appreciate it. But I also realise that there is a point where enough is enough. I just hope that things turn around very very soon for us...

And what have I been up to?

The temp placement is coming to an end this Tuesday. I wish it were longer, maybe good things will come of it since my supervisor is thrilled beyond words with my work. Time will tell.

I'm still making motifs for the footstool, also started something else using an adapted version of the motif as a 5-sided and 6-sided piece to make a toy. Not saying more since I plan on publishing this pattern.

So in between making several different sized motifs, I decided I needed something else to do that didn't involve motifs. Today, I was at the local Hart store in the downtown mall to check for some bright colored yarns, no luck for those but I did come across a real find. They added a whole "new" line of Bernat yarns to their display. I know once I say what it is, you'll likely go "so?" For me it's a big deal since I have to watch my pennies with the temp placement coming to an end. I had the 20$ I made staying late last week at work squirrelled away and spent part of it today. The "new" yarn is acrylic and the balls are larger than Bernat's Super Value balls. They weigh in at 225 grams (8 ozs) compared to 195 grams for the Super Value. They are packaged under the name Bernat Big Deal and cost less than the Super Value which for me is a very good thing. Means for the same money I'd spend buying a ball of the Super Value, I can buy 2 of the Big Deal. The colors are lovely, rich purple, cerise/pink and more. I couldn't resist getting a ball of the cerise/pink since I knew who would love it and what I would make with it. As I was bending down to get the cerise/pink I spied a gorgeous ball of deep teal colored yarn shoved all the way back in the display. I pulled it out and it ended up being a 1 lb ball and it was priced at 4.95! That definitely had to come home with me! I spotted more 1lb factory ends bags but they were priced at 15$. A bit too much for my wallet considering most of it was acrylic. And I doubt they'll get anyone to buy the 1 lb bags of eyelash yarn for 15$ a bag. What's really nice is I still have some of my 20$ left!

I said I knew what I wanted to make with the cerise/pink ball (means I'll have to get 1 more to finish it though). My BFF showed me a gorgeous wrap she was working on earlier this year. Worsted weight yarn on US17 needles means fast work. The pattern is ridiculously simple but the end result is quite pleasing and makes it look a lot harder than it really is. She directed me to her Blog Confessions of a Craftaholic for the pattern and thank goodness I kept it bookmarked! Her blog is very pretty, she does a variety of paper crafts and her designs are quite lovely.

I had never knit on size US17 (12mm) needles before and wow, what a shocker! I thought to myself it would be pretty easy, but holding the needles feels like I'm trying to knit with 2 fence posts LOL The first few repeats were pretty frustrating for me, but I soon developed a way to manhandle those big boys. I knit left handed and needles this size (short too) do not tuck well under one's armpit. So I stand one needle up on my thigh, knit or purl or knit together each stitch with a lot less grief. I love how the yarn color I chose looks in this pattern. The big stitches actually look very nice.

And this is a photo of the Peonies just outside our apartment window. I love these flowers so much. They remind me of my grandmother as do Lilies of the Valley and Lilacs. Speaking of which, I must do a post about my daughter's birthday present to me! She is such a sweet girl and I'm very proud of her. Not today though, must go to bed.

Enjoy the lovely flower for now and there will be more to come :)

TTFN, Angel

I'll clean when Sears comes out with a riding vacuum!!!

Yes, I poached this from someone's signature, but it's soooo true!

I've been sans vacuum for a couple of years now. With no steady income, investing a bucket load of money on a vacuum cleaner for our wee apartment just didn't make sense. So I'd use a hand broom or a regular straw broom to get the worst picked up. Being that we have utility carpeting it wasn't that difficult, but still a vacuum does do a better job without the ensuing dust storm. 

Thanks to my soulsister, I now have a working vacuum cleaner! And I love it! No more dust bunnies hiding under the couch, laying in wait for poor Gambit. It's amazing how much you appreciate something when you've had to make do for a long time, and I know it sounds ever so domestic of me, which is the furthest thing as a rule but it does feel nice to be able to vacuum. This also encourages me to get my stash organized as it's been growing into a monster against the wall of the wee living room, threatening to take over LOL Just ask my husband, he'd agree completely. I'm sure he'll be happy once I have conquered the stash and put the living room back into a semblance of a room we spend time in and not just used as storage for my stash. I know I will be.

One thing that bugs me though... Why is it guys get riding lawnmowers, or gardening tractors that does all the labour for them when we as women are expected to lug, push, pull and basically manhandle our cleaning equipment to get the job done!?